


Wedding Bells

by sherlockian1895



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Don't @ Me, I'm not a squid biologist, M/M, Other, Podcast: Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them, Unofficial Sequel, YES GLITTER!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23570629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian1895/pseuds/sherlockian1895
Summary: All of Hogwarts is gathered for a very special wedding.
Relationships: Giant Squid/Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Wedding Bells

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I wrote this with my boyfriend when we definitely should have been drunk, but were not. Unofficial sequel to THAT fic from Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them. I'm not a squid biologist, so don't @ me. Any squid related queries should be directed to Colin.

A warm summer breeze rustled the leaves of the large beech tree that sat on the lake’s shore. There was a certain _something_ in the July afternoon air, something that had all the birds singing and all the flowers in full bloom. The lawns around the castle were as lush and green as they could possibly hope to be, and no matter where you looked, everyone was in the cheeriest of moods. Today was certainly a special day.

The halls of Hogwarts, normally quiet and empty this time of year, had returned to their school-year furor, bursting at the seams with its occupants hurriedly traveling from the kitchens with large trays levitating above their heads. Despite the commotion, the castle was even more beautiful than usual. Through every corridor and out every window hung sumptuous white fabric; it trailed out onto the grounds and came together wrapped around the astronomy tower, ending in an elegant bow atop its highest turret. Also atop the tower hung a veil of sheer intricate lace, covering the side of the castle entirely.

At the stroke of one, all of Hogwarts froze. It was time. 

* * *

Rubeus Hagrid considered himself lucky to have witnessed many beautiful events in nature: the hatching of baby Norbert, the life of his friend Aragog, and even the first new thestrals within the herd at Hogwarts. Nothing, however, could compare to the scene in front of him. The merpeople had risen from the lake and had started singing. The mermish rendition of the classic tune gave him goosebumps. All the Hogwarts staff and even some students suddenly rose from their seats that were gathered near the lake. Albus Dumbledore stood in front of them all, looking elegant as always in rich purple robes. Suddenly, the surface of the lake stirred and everyone gasped. This was the moment they had all been waiting for. 

With a flash one, two, then three long, pink tendrils placed themselves on the shore, pulling up behind them the body of the giant squid. It was truly a sight to behold. Not only was it extremely rare for the squid to make full-fledged visits to the lake’s surface, it was in fact the only time he had ever done so wearing (thanks to Hagrid) a large, black bowtie. Tears welled in the corners of Hagrid’s eyes, he was surely the luckiest man alive to witness this event.

Dumbledore told the crowd to remain standing, as the next guest would be making their appearance shortly. The merpeople’s tune suddenly changed, and heads turned swiftly towards the castle in awe. She was truly the most beautiful creature that Hagrid had ever seen. The castle seemed to have noticed all of the attention suddenly focused on her and almost seemed to blush in the midday sun. Nevertheless at the sight of the squid, she lit up, every window and fireplace aglow. Dumbledore asked the guests to be seated so the ceremony could begin.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the love and union of a very special castle and a very special squid. To some, they might seem a _strange_ pair, but to those of us who know them intimately, there could not be a better match. It is with great pride and deepest pleasure that I welcome you to the wedding of G. Squid and H. Castle.” The squid placed its two long feeding tentacles around the astronomy tower, suckers firmly latched on to the stone.

“Now, Squid, do you take Miss Castle to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, until death do you part?” The cephalopod nodded, his beak clicking happily in agreement. “And do you, Hogwarts, take Mr. Squid to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, until death do you part?” The audience took in a collective breath as the castle suddenly lit up in a rainbow of colors pouring from every window.

“Well I think we have an answer then. It is with great joy that I now pronounce G. Squid and H. Castle to be husband and wife. Mr. Squid, you may now kiss your bride.” The squid released one tentacle, using it to lift the large veil that hung over the astronomy tower. The crowd erupted with glee as the squid placed more tentacles on the castle, embracing it with all its might. Hagrid wept; there was truly nothing more beautiful than love.

* * *

Percy Weasley entered the prefect’s bathroom, eager to take a long, hot bath after a most stressful day. He’d had to stop Fred and George from blowing up toilets on no less than three separate occasions that afternoon alone. _No matter_ , he thought as he turned on all the bubble taps, _a nice, soothing bath would melt all his problems away_. He undressed and entered the swimming pool sized tub, filled to the brim with bubbles such that he couldn’t see the water underneath. He sunk in and closed his eyes, reveling in the warmth of the water upon his skin. 

A few minutes later, he felt something slide past his leg. Startled, Percy opened his eyes, but there seemed to be nothing there. He closed his eyes once again, entering a half-sleep state until he felt the sensation once more. _Was Myrtle up to her tricks again?_ Percy pushed aside some of the bubbles just to be sure, when no sooner he felt something wrap itself around his leg. He screamed, pulling away but not pulling out of the thing around his leg’s grasp. Percy watched in horror as he yanked his leg out of the water, a small but certainly not tiny, squid firmly attached to him. He grabbed his wand, shooting a stunning spell at the ghastly thing. The spell knocked the squid back into the tub, but in turn revealed there were _more_ of them swimming about!

Percy hightailed it out of there, mortified by what he had just encountered. When he finally reached the Gryffindor common room, out of breath and in denial of what he had just witnessed, he froze. Oliver Wood was standing in the portrait hole, looking at him with a strange glint in his eye. “You alright there Perce?” Percy couldn’t speak. No words could form in his brain to describe the horrors in the bathroom. 

“I-uh-bat-squ--”

“Never seen you to be at a loss for words.” Oliver took a step forward, placing a hand on Percy’s shoulder. “Don’t mind the new look though,” he winked. He stepped away as Percy looked down, only now noticing that in his haste to leave the squid infested bathroom, he had left his clothes behind.


End file.
